Throughout the 28 years that I've been teaching group fitness classes, there have been a LOT of shall we say, blooper moments, encounters from members (that they have shared with me) and things that have happened in classes that are just hysterical. Group fitness can be a total blast! Many have seen things that have made them scratch their heads LOL...Many of us instructors have our own personal thoughts running through our heads when things are going array (Like my own thoughts).
I thought it would be fun to let you in on that. Perhaps share some of those off the wall, funny, curious, almost embarrassing moments with YOU. My only disclaimer to this article, is that, YES I could share all the serene, positive, zen moments, but today I want to share some funny times, so please know this is all IN FUN! :
1. Where are your boxer BRIEFS, HELLO -- stop moving so fast...Oh Lord, I need to look away!!! Doesn't that hurt? Ladies, yes, I see you looking him, then back at me TO SAY SOMETHING...!!! Um.....
2. Oh my gddddd, these CRAMPS. I can't. I have to, dammmmnnnn!! I just want to lay down. Maybe I'll start with the ending stretching part first, and forget to get back up....I wonder if they'll notice.....
3. Please, oh no, NO...NO DON'T CRAP IN MY CLASS, hurry GO. You can make it....Nobody cares about your water bottle!!!!!! HURRY GO, IT'S FAR!
4. Please God, please don't let this tampon fall out. (I'm sorry, I know, TMI ) And there it goes.....Damn burpees!
5. Am I the only coordinated fool in this room???!!!!!!!! C'monn!
Crap, now I have salvage my choreography and freestyle. Damn you people...!!!!
6. Why do you have chopsticks on your person while taking my GROUP EXERCISE CLASS?
7. Geez, what was I thinking staying out so late last night, I'm on 4 hours of sleep. I smell like Bar. Just barrrr. Ew. I wish I was a yoga instructor right nowww, FML!! (ooops sorry my fellow beautiful instructors that happen to teach yoga, no dig, no, no none at all.)
8. That ladies maxi pad seriously just flew out from her pant leg. How do I help her to play it off so she can get it? OMG!
9. I must remember to put on my grocery list, GOLD BOND powder for men. I feel terrible. I didn't know their balls rub together while I make them do those scissor abs; causing friction. I'm SO SORRY! I have a proverbial pair, that's all! SOMEBODY tell me these things!
10. Oh he is so hot. DAMMNNNN. Geez that's ANOTHER FML! Are there levels to FML????!!! The end. (I don't mix business with pleasure)
11. Someone just farted during crunches, IN THE FRONT ROW - IN FRONT OF THE HUGE FAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12. Wow, incontinence IS REAL, another FMLLLLLLLL. It's only because, well never mind.
13. How do I tell that guy he has a huge hole in his shorts and the front desk can practically see his man parts? Whyyy? Grrrr.
14. Creepy. Telling me "I can smell your soul!" Who says things like that to their instructor?
15. That ladies knee is on the side of her leg AND SHE WANTS ME TO DO WHAT? KNOCK IT INTO PLACE? Drop the mic....
16. And I'm mopping up puke for the millionth time. I see she had Greek yogurt for breakfast...FMLLLL!
17. What in the hell kind of exercise is THAT? I never seen anything like it in my life!! I can't even steal the moves!
18. CRAP, I just messed up . DID ANYONE NOTICE? Dammmit, yup...DAMN FRONT ROW! :)
19. No, no, OPEN YOUR EYES. Please do not lose your balance and fall off the bike. Wait is he praying? No he's falling asleep!
20. I'm picking up teeth. GREAT -- NOBODY LISTENS TO THE TEACHER --- OH NO! I had a good play list too!!
21. This lady keeps coming into my class with these damn 70's headphones on (they must be 5 lbs!) while STILL standing in the front row under the speaker -- MOVE TO THE BACK ROW. Now, THERE's an idea...Just sayin'
22. Great view -- NO explanation. I do a lot of looking a way...Grrrr...SMILE!
23. Am I in the Twilight Zone, or is this person actually walking up to the front of the room (while I'm conducting a PACKED step class, back in the day) and HIKING HER LEG UP ON THE MIRROR TO STRETCH? HELLO DO YOU SEE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE? DO YOU HEAR THE MUSIC? THERE IS A FITNESS CLASS CURRENTLY TAKING PLACE ...Smh
24. This lady literally just drove 6 miles and timed it just right that my class had just ended. Really? Blending in with 12 people to get a damn STAMP for completing the class THAT JUST ENDED - THAT YOU DIDN'T TAKE, and you don't think I see YOU?
25. God, I stink all the time. I'm gym clothes A LOT. I have no game in gym clothes. I stink! No, no please don't come up and ask me something -- I STINK! However, it's a great weapon in the grocery store when people get in your space WHILE YOU ARE TRYING TO PAY AND THEY ARE ALL UP ON YOU!
26. I can't see crap right now and I just thought one person was a different person and I told my friend to wave at him with me....Ooops wrong guy at the gym. I'm blind as hell....Laser surgery on bucket list
27. Smiling isn't as easy as I thought it would be while one is exerting themselves - while exercising.
28. Who am I to ask people to whoop/holler back at me when I just commanded them to get out breath. I need to make my damn mind up. I wonder what they are thinking right now...They look so seriouuussss -- like they want hurt me!
29. I have to pee and I have 30 damn more minutes. Dammmn, I'm so behind on my Keegals.
30. Why is this guy bringing into my class, a full box of Cereal and eating it while exercising? This is a new one! Odd! He didn't even share!
31. I'm not sure if I should tell that lady her areola has now successfully made an appearance in class and that a sports bra is of great help for these things.
32. I literally just mooned the class! Half asleep, teacher didn't show up to her 5:30 A.M. class. I get the call to rush over and help. Guess I forgot my workout pants under my sweats....I should be tanned at all times, wow! I'M SORRY FOR THAT. You just SAW MY ARSE!!! OMG!!!! ..OOOPS - I'M NOT AWAKE!
33. Thank you for literally getting in my personal space and screaming, "I DON'T LIKE YOU." There's the door.....
34. I wonder if anyone will notice I'm wearing two different tennis shoes on each foot...Note to self: Don't pack gym bag in the dark.
35. Why, why -- WHY is that guy ALWAYS kicking crazy! It's kickboxing not the ROCKETTES? The members nick-named him, "HIGH KICK" .
Some of you could POSSIBLY ADD ON TO THIS. You yourself have had GYM THOUGHTS as you people watch, or something happens to YOU while working out. Comment below and PLEASE, DO share...Let's keep the smiling going...
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